I read a blog post yesterday that a friend on Facebook had shared, “How to ruin your life (without even noticing that you are)”
The post discusses how most of us make a plan and this is the plan we stick to, e.g leave high school, graduate college, get a job, nice house, married by 25, 2 kids by 30… Etc etc
Never deviating away, turning opportunities down because they don’t ‘fit’ within the spectrum of the mythical plan we’ve rooted in our mind! Allowing past grievances shape new prospects ultimately meaning they’ll fail anyway. Allowing fear to drive u, too scared to turn in the opposite direction because what if it’s the wrong choice? What if we regret the decision?
I was blown away to be quite honest, I’m now looking at my life thinking is this what I’ve done?
And I think yes to some extent I have.
I do have a tendency to allow my past to govern my life, snide comments from bitchy girls creep in when I look in the mirror, when I try to put myself out there with work I’ve created, I feel worthless and like I’m not good enough. The best part is I’m holding on to this because somebody at some point made a comment about me not being good enough! But I can’t even remember the exact words or who said it! As the blogger says “these were just moments, they were simply words”
I never thought I compared myself to others, because I’m really not bothered if your TV is 72″ when mine is only 42″, or if your house possess more bedrooms etc but honestly thinking about it I probably do! Just not based on material objects, as I do find myself thinking that person has less followers than I do on yet they sell more products, what am I doing wrong? Maybe I’m not good enough! Or the worst thing I think I’ve ever done is think – but their work isn’t even that good, why do so many buy from them! That’s awful right? And I’m truly sorry for ever thinking it let alone allowing it to spill out of my mouth. I guess my negative attitude is what stops me from becoming what I want.
My favourite part of the post is “you ruin your life by tolerating it. At the end of the day you should be excited to be alive” And I am I truly am, I have an incredible man by my side whose stuck with me for 10 years and beautiful 13 month old son, I’m excited for everything life has to offer me, my fear and anxiety hit me when it comes to “work” I’ve left behind a retail job to pursue self employment and to be a hands on stay at home mama, so why am I scared?
I’ll be brutally honest I’m scared of rejection, failure, criticism and the worst one praise! I feel uncomfortable when somebody praises what I’ve done or created embarrassed if you will, I feel crappy if some criticises my work I feel this worse when I’ve asked for their opinion! I guess the truth there is I want your opinion but can you sugar coat and only say nice things about me please!
I have a lot of work to do! I’ve removed myself (business wise) off Facebook as I feel trapped with too many people I know being on there (that should be a good thing right?) I feel uncomfortable about posting and saying “here’s this beautiful piece of work I’ve created” to 100 people I do know! It’s easier with people I don’t know I don’t feel like I’m putting on a show I can just be me, but me in work mode…
I need to loose the fear of rejection and ultimately do the things I’m passionate about and just put them out there and learn to accept that it’s ok if some people don’t like my work.
Thank you for reading
The original blog post can be found here